How Not To Raise a Daughter

After nearly 24 years of being a mom, I think I have more advice on what not to do when raising a daughter than what should be done.  According to my daughter, K, I did a really bad job.  I didn't force her into a seated position to make her do her homework.  I didn't punish her often enough.  I didn't teach her how to be an adult.  I didn't.  I didn't.  I didn't.

I also don't recall teaching her to be in debt, or do everything in her power to be borderline homeless, how to excessive amounts of tattoos, how to overly dramatic, how to drop out of college twice, etc.  I didn't.  I didn't.  I didn't.  

Maybe I was too lenient.  Maybe I should have done all those things.  But I learned I am a person of extremes.  If I had forced her into that seated position......she very well might still be sitting there.  She's a good person, don't get me wrong.  But as with most parents, I wanted her to be better than me at her age.  I'm hopeful she'll turn things around this time.

I guess my biggest challenge with her now is how to be a mom to an adult that wants a mom but doesn't want me to "mom" her.  Hmmmmm.  The foots seriously about to come down.  But again, I'm that person of extremes.......if my foot comes down, it'll probably boot her out the door before she's ready again.  I'm signing she and I up for a budgeting class to take together.  I'm hoping we can learn from the class and each other in a way that is more constructive for the both of us.

It would be really nice for her to remember that her mom never gave up on her.  I didn't.  I didn't.  I didn't.  

Tommy Sotomayor - Why Do I Have To Watch This Man? BECAUSE!!!

A while back, I stumbled across a YouTube page for a nice looking guy name Tommy Sotomayor.  He essentially creates videos discussing topics that hold his interest for various reasons.  I've seen people describe him from every angle possible.  And most of those were not too positive.  However, after watching quite a few of his videos, I have become addicted to his whit and his sarcasm, but most especially to his truth.

He slams the shit out of people.  He is harsh.  He is condescending.  He holds back nothing.  And guess what?  He doesn't really lie.  But the biggest point he explains over and over is that these are his viewpoints.  So I'm trying to figure out why people are so upset.  And I think I nailed it.  LOL.

White people get really pissed off when he's slamming the actions of certain white people.  But they are applauding him when he puts certain black people's actions down.  Then he flips the script and puts down the actions of certain black people and vice versa.  People are somewhat ridiculous.  He doesn't put down everyone.  He is very specific to the type of person that he is casting judgement on.

I guess my problem with those people is why are you sitting there watching someone disparage you on purpose.  If you think his opinions are fabricated, why are you giving them your attention?  I know why.  Because you know deep down that at least part of what he is saying describes the things about yourself that you know are full of shit.  It's even more relevant because you're not reading it.....oh no.  He's facing you on your monitor and saying it to your face.  LOL

Here's a link to just a few of Mr. Sotomayor's videos.  Enjoy!!!!  And be nice to him in his comments section.
Tommy Sotomayor TV

My Pandora Music Playlist Issues

Apparently I suck big cookies when it comes to making a playlist.  I made an 80's play list on Pandora and I was very strict for the first few days.  Then the early 90's started sneaking into my songs........but I couldn't remember what year some songs were published.  So they got the thumbs up.  Now I'm getting hit with Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke.  (thumbs down)

I don't know how to fix this.

I had started one of just soft romantic music.  I loved so many of the songs.....all slow and sexy.  I thought this would be great for romantic evenings with my husband.  Until one night we turned the playlist on.....every other song was about a broken heart or someone cheating.  Not really a highlight to be kissing my husband when any Shirley Murdock song comes on.....LOL.

So I started doing the thumbs down on lots of slow jams.  I felt like I was discovering this unknown fact in the world of slow music......most of it is NOT truly romantic.  UGH.  Now what?  And while some of her songs are great.....I can't fathom making love to Barbra Streisand music.  I need some Sade or Maxwell.

Bottom line is I have no discipline.  I hate to click the thumbs down song on any song I really like no matter what playlist it pops into.  Will my goal for music playlists ever be met?  Probably not.  Oh well.  lol

Why Am I So Hard Headed?

Wait!  What is that title?  I'm not hard headed.  Really.  LOL (lightening bolt!!!!  DUCK!)

I've been called stubborn, hard headed and unable to let go of things.  Hhmmmm, it might be true.  But guess what?  That's just me.  And probably every other person in the world.  It's always been a silly comment to me.  I have never met one single person that just automatically goes with the flow of others and never resists anything ever.

Here's another one.  "You always want everything you're own way."  Well.....yeah...duh!  Tell me a person who always wants it to be someone else's way.......go ahead, I'll wait.

foot tapping.....

foot tapping.....

I'm waiting.

Exactly.  I have always wanted what I want and whenever the hell I've wanted it.  LOL.  That's not likely to change.  The problem is you have to learn to take turns.  I don't even have any problem with that.  My mother in law had issues with that.  But I've learned not to worry about her anymore.  She's never learned about taking turns.  Actually, she's one of those people that wants her everything right now....all the time.  HAHAHAHAHA.

Human nature is to want and need and feel what we do right now.  There's nothing wrong with that at all.  It's only a question of learning not to voice it and to truly understand that we just can't have our every wish fulfilled asap.  You can't voice it because then you sound like a spoiled, bratty adult.  And that's never a good way to come across to others.  We will be very hard headed in avoiding you at all costs.

Different Types of Women

What type of woman are you?

Are you active?  Are you a mom?  Are you a volunteer type?  Are you all business?  Are you an educator?  Are you a swinging single for lifer?  Are you monogamous?  Are you the 'other' woman?  Are you sexy?  Are you a sports nut?  Are you girlie?  Are you a tom boy?

I think most of us are all of those and much more.  We like to say the media and society label us, but I think we do this too each other.  I really enjoy being able to wear so many hats.  I love the woman I've become and can't wait to see what my daughters become.  It's also fun to watch friends I've grown up with change and grow over the years.

It's never to late to try on a new hat or even get rid of one that doesn't truly fit who you are now.  The biggest consideration is that you don't label the women around you and just let them be all the women they want to be.  It's amazing how many hats I can wear at one time now.  Maybe that's the truest part of being a mature woman........how many hats you wear well at one time?  LOL.

I love being a woman.  (not that there's another option for me anyway.)

Keeping a Secret

Man Oh Man......I am such a gossiper.  An acquaintance asked me to keep a secret, but it's so juicy I immediately spilled the beans to my own personal secret keeper, my husband.  LOL, he's like a vault.  I'm like the door of the vault.....opening at every chance.  lol.

But most of the secrets I have trouble keeping are landing in one of two categories:  happy news or helpful news.  Happy news makes people smile and I love to watch people get happy.  Helpful news can easily make someone's life more simple and clear.  Both are good reasons to share a secret, I guess.  NOT.  lol.

I have found that the best way to share a secret without getting busted is to share it with someone that has no contact or knowledge of the person that originally gave me the secret.  LOL.  For the most part it works, unless you have a party or something and invite them both.  See how far you have to go when you gossip?  Trying to keep the illusion of trust among my peers can be frustrating.....LOL.

One Year of Goals

One year ago today, I joined a group of really special ladies to help support each other in our goals of weight loss and being healthy.  We wrote down on paper a list of our goals to be reached within the next year.  My list was typical of me.....housework, getting my family more organized, spending more time with kids actually doing things, becoming a better cook, etc.  Here's the list of goals I accomplished.

1. Huh?

Yup, that's right.  I didn't get one single goal completed.  In a freaking year?  Wow.....pretty pitiful, right?  Well, yeah it is.  But I have a reason.  None of those are real goals for me.  I think I have this goal to be Carol Brady but I'm more of a Peggy Bundy.  So today I decided to concentrate on renewing my list to obtainable goals with deadlines.  It'll be a boring day today at work, so I can work and still have my notebook sitting next to me thinking and thinking on how to make it happen.

So goal #1 is to just GET HEALTHY.  What's that mean?  What should I buy?  That means I need to take care of me.  I'm one of the leaders in my home as the parent.....I need to do this.  It means eating better but not going crazy with it.  It means treating my skin better.  It means working out a little and easing into a lot.  It means NOT doing a lot of crazy things like getting more excited that my son when I hear the ice cream truck.  It means taking my vitamins.  It means eating breakfast every day.

I'm actually texting with my hubby right now about helping me get up in the mornings.  I'm a morning person once I get my butt outta the dang bed.  I've come to understand that's one of my major errors every day.  On the days when I get up early, my intent for the day being a healthy one stays with me.  It seems that if I get myself into a healthy pattern, lots of other things will fall into place with that.  Hmmmmm.

Godzilla

Yes, Godzilla is alive.  Well, Netflix brought him back to life for my 6 year old son, Jayden.  As I'm typing this, he's watching Godzilla's Revenge.  He said he plans to watch the Godzilla cartoons tomorrow.  I grew up loving all the monster movies that came on our local (I think it was local) TV station.  Channel 48 had Creature Double Feature every Saturday afternoon.  It was great on rainy days when it's too icky outside to play kickball.

I personally loved the little twins from Mothra's island, the creature from the black lagoon that I never figured out what he was supposed to be, all Alfred Hitchcock's birds, and a zillion others.  These were fabulous movies for me.  My mind and heart are too sensitive for Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  I cry, I have nightmares and genuinely freak myself out.  My Jayden is the exact same way.

And for that reason, I need to stop typing and get back to Godzilla.  I don't want him breathing down my neck......fire breathing dragon might burn the back of my hair off right before we go on vacation....can't have that.  LOL

See Ya L8r Allig8or

Physical Fitness? Hmmmm. Mental Fitness 1st

I'm definitely one of those people that struggles with my wait issues.  I can't wait to eat.  I can't wait to drink.  I can't wait to find the newest excuse not to workout.  I need to start my workout program on a Sunday, January 1 of the new year.  Tuesday's or Thursday's just won't do.  I have tons and loads of excuses.

I don't have the right type of clothing.  I need new sneakers.  My socks don't match.  I don't have a headband and sweat could drip right into my eye.  My period is due, my period is here, my period just left. I'll start in the spring to get ready for summer.  I'll start in the autumn so I'll be good for spring.  I can't start around the holidays.....oh wait, I'll miss out on all that good food.

The mental struggle is me finding ways to not do what should be most important - healthy living.  I'm really hoping that some upcoming projects I'm getting involved in will help me use these things I really need/want to do as a way to keep some of my focus on myself.  I want to workout.  I want to eat right.  I want to meditate.  I want to be on a routine.

Step #1 - I set my alarm clock just now for 5am tomorrow morning.  It's not a Sunday.  It's not January.  It's not the beginning of anything.  Oh wait......maybe there's a phat me waiting for the fat me to get the hell out of the way.  LOL.

G'Night My Loves.....MUAH!

Before & After Pictures - They Might Be Fake? What? Really?

I saw this story about Before and After Pictures in the fitness industry being bogus. Shocking, right? NOT!

Obviously I'm not bashing the fitness industry as a whole, there are lots of companies and people that really do care. I even have friends that sell these products. But I never see that much in the way of "hey, just eat these normal every day things from your local farmers market" or "do these exercises where you need no equipment or DVDs" ......it's always buy this shake, this vitamin, this supplement, this DVD, this set of weights, this book.

See? All this craziness in the fitness world.....this is why I'm so iffy on purchasing anything. I haven't personally met one person that has stuck with a weight loss program that I have seen for sale and never gained the weight back. I know it's an ongoing battle and struggle. I get that. I'm simply refusing to spend money on it anymore. I'm only losing weight in my wallet, not my big butt. I wish everyone the best and I'm not telling anyone else what to do......we all need support with this battle.

 But I need to do what I need for myself. This is about me and my battle, not the fitness industry and their wanting my money. Do they really care if I lose weight or if I just buy the newest thing?  No, what I need is a support system or a buddy.  A team of people that will do this on a daily basis with me and be serious about it every day.  A buddy that will let me push them as they are pushing me too.  Anyone want to apply for that job?  LOL.

I will continue to do the things I have found that work for me......I'm not buying anything else. No other products. I need to stick with all the things I have already bought and paid for that are still in wrappers or buried under dust. The biggest thing is just taking the time. Maybe the best thing I could purchase is an hour of my own time each day. ???? Hmmmmmm, why did that just sound like my own Ah Ha moment?

The Secret Crush(es)

As a very married woman, it's so fun to have a crush on someone that's not my husband. And I don't mean the normal Channing Tatum variety. LOL. There are so many hot guys I get to see and interact with that are all a little bit special to me.

The Fed Ex guy that delivers to my job. He's not the most attractive guy, but every single time he comes in, he let's me know he thinks I'm beautiful. He compliments my clothing, my hair, my eyes. He never misses an opportunity to give me some sort of compliment.

The meter reader that comes in my house to read the meter smells like a dream. It doesn't matter what time he comes, the man smells like he just stepped out of the shower and is heading out for a night on the town.

The twitter account that sends all the romantic and sweet tweets. I don't know if it's a guy or not but in my head those are all direct messages to me. LOL.

It's so much fun to have these little crushes and still totally be hot for my husband. It's great to have a solid relationship where fun is part of daily life. There are a few more crushes, but a girl gets to keep some things to herself.

My Own Image

If you’ve bothered to see my profile, you may have seen what I look like. It’s trying to be realistic with everything, especially things about myself. I tend to shop for compliments from others for various reasons. I think where I believe my reflection is ok, it should be better than ok. Maybe that’s why I don’t try harder to lose the weight, keep my hair done, etc. If all that was done and I was still only ok.....where do I move from here?

It’s really hard to be 42. I’m having a tough time accepting that I will never get my old body back. I’ve had children, I’ve eaten way too many cupcakes and don’t come from a family with the best physical appearances hanging from our branches. I’ve got things going on inside me that don’t make sense. Hot flashes.....doctor says I’m not even close to menopause. Eczema on my feet......not much can be done. Hair thinning out on my head but starting anew on my chin......just part of aging.

Maybe the best we can do is to find out who we want to be and strive for it. But to know in our heart of hearts, it’s still only going to take us so far. We should have enjoyed our youth more. LOL, I think I enjoyed mine a little too much since I don’t remember a whole heck of a lot. Here’s my advice to myself.......

I really do need to find a way to improve who I am and what I am; while accepting that I am what I am until then.

Nerves of Marshmallow

So I submitted a video to work with a tv show today. I'm sort of torn between "Can I do this?" and "I can do this!" I applied a few months ago and actually had forgotten it. Not for any reason other than I never expected a return call. I really would like to do this.....but it's such a big deal. I don't know that I'd be able to handle the nasty things that could come with it. Or even the great things. lol. I know in the end this is probably my most confusing post to date. But I promise, when the time is right......I'll let you in on my secret. Of course, by that time, it may not be a secret anymore. LOL. I have a big mouth.

On to the nerves of marshmallow.....that title should say steel, huh? That's not me. I'm always a bundle of nerves but I mask it with giggles, smiles, and chattiness. There have been many, many times where I thought I would pass out from being so excited and nervous. It's one of those feelings that leaves you not quite sure how to follow through. I notice I also feel like it's a sign of weakness. If I'm not in control, then what do I have? As I'm getting older, it's becoming more interesting to watch myself and how I react to things. I love to watch things.....but I never used to watch myself.

Now I try to pay closer attention. If I notice myself backing off simply due to marshmallow nerves or being uncertain of something.....I simply reign in those feelings and push on. I'll never know what could be if I keep stepping back at every opportunity.

I took a big step this morning.

I Am Married To That Guy

It's so much fun to watch my husband grow in his career. We've fought about it. We've agonized about it separately and together. We've paid for it emotionally for years. We've had many, many happy times watching it grow, stop, stutter, grow.

I've never been the type of person that had a clear goal for when I grew up. I never said I want to be blah blah and stuck with it. Even now, I'm in school for a career change, but it's really just so I can make better money and work from home to be home for our children.....and be better able to take care of things since my husband's career is taking off even more now.

My husband, Khris, is really the only gifted person I've had the pleasure to watch grow. He's a writer. He has no fear in putting a voice and a pen to any topic. I appreciate that he investigates BEFORE he writes. And while it may not be popular opinions he's giving, they are respected. He has had his work on his blog, in newspapers, magazines, an online magazine and now the top at the moment is his new affiliation with Complex Mag.

I couldn't be more proud of him. It's so cool to know I married so well. He'd never see it the way I do. He's very humble and probably a bit shy. I imagine we'll still battle over his time being stretched and his focus on the job. He'll bend here and there. I'll pickup the slack with the kids and house. We'll meet in the middle. That's what we do. I've met, fallen in love and married the only person I had a chance to succeed with......I am lucky I am married to that guy.

Wanna check him out? www.doandroidsdance.com www.rockthedub.com LOL.....have fun. Tell him I said Hi!!!!! And get off that damn computer.....LOL

Mom's Day 2013

My son, Jayden, is 6 years old. He's definitely the child I've bonded with the most of my three kids. I've often wondered if it's because he's my only son, my last child or the child I had after I matured finally. Whatever the case, he has no idea the power he holds.....I hope not anyway.

He's definitely a cutie and a sweetie. He's eager and nosy and adventurous. He wants to learn and he wants to know everything.

Boy, can he irk a nerve!!!!

Today, he's outside playing with a little boy that lives next door. I'm watching him from the window and he has no idea how much I'm bursting with love. No idea that right now, I'm nearly in tears with a depth of love I don't even understand. It's all part of being a mom. My other two babies are 23 and 21. My girls. Tika is sweet and silly beyond recognition. lol. She's always in her own world but looks for crazy side of everything.

Speaking of crazy.....my daughter, Kali, is the challenging one. She's hardheaded, overly opinionated and won't listen to anyone. She's just like me. LOL. She's currently doing everything she can to show how independent she is.....unfortunately, it always backfires. She's a great person, but I don't think she sees how great she is.

My biggest wish for Mother's Day isn't a material gift......I actually don't have a wish. My children are healthy and doing their own thing in a world where that's not always an easy thing. I'm proud of who they are and my part in creating that. I'm also proud of who I am and their part in creating that, too.

Happy Mother's Day.

My Hair....Cut, Not Cut, Grow, Not Grow...AAAHHH

Every year right around my birthday I get into my "I must fix it" mode. My hair will be longer, in need of a trim, and constantly in a ponytail. Do I get it cut? Yes, it's so cute, it compliments my face so much better. No, it's too much daily work....no easy ponytail and I have to wash it daily. OK, I'll let it grow longer. Nope, it's being lazy and I'm older so I should keep it shorter like us older ladies are supposed to do.

See? I drive myself nuts. LOL.

Right now, I'm looking back thru old pics and realizing I do look better with the shorter hair. And the highlights. Part of that is just being lazy and cheap. I hate the maintenance. Time to suck it up and get it done.....the long hair is weighing me down. lol. And I don't need any other help with adding to my weight.

I think I'll be trying to do the highlights on my own this time. I can't see paying $100 for that crap.....and it looks nice, but not any nicer than I can do on my own at home. I just need to make sure I'm clearing a few minutes in the mornings to wash and blow it dry......damn I'm lazy. LOL.