Solar Eclipse of the Heart 2017

At the last minute, I decided to take a half day off from work to spend the afternoon of the solar eclipse with my children.  My son, Jayden, especially has never seen any eclipse (he's just 10 yrs old) at all and he's really into science.  So I wanted to make sure he sees this and does it safely.  We're having a picnic in our own yard with our home made viewing boxes and some themed music.  

The food is always the fun part for me and this was just something so I could toss it together before the big event starts.  The goal was quick and cheap.  (Although isn't that always the goal?)  We're having sandwiches I'll be cutting with a star shaped cookie cutter, Sunkist sodas, cupcakes with moons and suns on them and rocket pop ice pops.  Easy peasy and cheap.  There weren't many options even on Pinterest and they were just repeats of what I thought of.......which means none of us really gave this any thought.  😏

The viewing boxes were very simple.  I just did a quick search on YouTube and found this one that was short, sweet and to the point.  It took about 30 minutes to make all four boxes and drink two glasses of terrible red wine.  Sadly, I drank all the wine but here's the video to make your own boxes as opposed to being permanently blinded during the eclipse. 

Last but not least is the playlist.  I went onto my Facebook page and asked friends to recommend songs for this playlist.  These are their choices, so don't kill the messenger.  Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler had to be first!!!  And because I'm corny, there are 17 songs since this is 2017.  (Fucking genius or what?)

Looking For a Spoon

I was spending the weekend at a friend’s house.  I guess I was about 12 or so?  We had went to bed a little late watching TV and being silly.  I woke up and realized the house was quiet.  You know how it’s awkward to go through someone’s house even after her parents have said to feel free to get whatever you need…...still feels like an intrusion.  

So I was laying in bed and waiting for my friend to wake up.  She was still snoring. After about 30 minutes or so, I needed to pee really bad and I was hungry.  So headed for the bathroom……….and then immediately for the kitchen.  There was cereal!  Yay!  And it was one of the brands my mom thought was too expensive!  Double Yay!  I found a bowl, got the milk and added it to the cereal.  Then I went to get a spoon.  

Boom!

Right there in the drawer was something that caught me completely off guard.  There were spoons, knives, forks all in the drawer.  There were no short straws.  I immediately turned around and looked at the kitchen table.  No mirrors.  It took some time.  I stood there looking around and felt like my mind was blank.  And then it all started crashing in on my brain and heart. It was my first and only “ah ha” moment.  My house wasn’t normal. My house was fucked up. Not my house..........my family.

 

Later that day, I went home and looked around.  I went right to the kitchen and there was the mirror on the table.  Next to them were those old film bottles that look like pill bottles? My parents used those for weed, weed seeds, weed stems, hash, cocaine, etc. I walked over to the silverware drawer…...opened it…..yup…..short cut up straws.  I never said anything to my parents that day.  But my view of them became more focused.  I can see now that it was also the first time I’d judged my parents on the kind of parents they were toward us.  

It wasn’t until years later when I had children of my own that I brought it up to my mother.  In my heart, I knew I was hoping for an apology but I knew that’s not the type of people they are.  Like a lot of people with a troubled past, it’s easier to act like it didn’t happen or wasn’t a big deal than to apologize.  It’s got to be difficult to sit in front of your children and acknowledge - hey I fucked up your childhood and I’m sorry.  

My mom.  Mmm Mmm Mmm.  She’s not an easy person and her heart is closed (I believe out of guilt she won’t face).  So I asked her about it.  I didn’t tell her about my moment because I didn’t want her to feel compared to other parents.  I just wanted to see if she looked at that time as a mistake.  Guess what?  She didn’t say anything other than an offhanded “so what?” remark.  My mom.  

People wonder how I could have distanced myself from my family.  If they knew my family, they’d wonder why I didn’t do it much sooner.