Thursday, July 5, 2018

Mistakes Push You Forward

July 5, 2018

Last night, I made the mistake of noticing a bruise on my ass that hadn't faded from a week or so ago.  So I thought I'd be cheeky (is ass-cheeky a thing?) and send my husband a cute picture of my ass.  BIG mistake.  I hadn't realized how icky I looked on my ass.  So I did the whole check myself out in the mirror thing.  WTF was I thinking!

The overall quality of my skin, the stretch marks, the fatness.  None of that is appealing.  Now I'm not a screwball so I'm aware that the stretch marks are here to stay and could even get worse during this journey.  But I'd like to be better toned and not have the percentage of body fat I'm currently carrying around.  For someone who hates to carry stuff, you'd think I'd be wanting to carry less around on my body, right? 

My back and ass are in really bad shape.  I knew it but I didn't know it was quite so bad. It was about 10pm at that point so I sat there and thought about it for a bit. I decided to restart again.  I went on to, got myself logged on and set a calendar reminder for this morning to do weight and measurements along with a fitness test.  So here are my new goals. 

Adding in exercise water and vegetables daily.  30 minutes of exercise (might have to break that into sections) 8+ glasses of water and at least 3 veggies since I hardly ever eat any at all.  I feel like that's a good start for me.  Also, I'm going to push myself NOT to snack or eat sugar or salt that's not needed.  We'll see how this goes. 

Today's weight is 201.7 and my ass is 47 inches wide where that bruise is.  Holy fucking smacks!

Thursday, June 28, 2018

My 11 year old son, Jayden, entered a contest to promote businesses in the city of Trenton, NJ. He's hoping to use the money if he wins for a class in coding. He picked his favorite spots and we made this video. If you have a moment and would like to help, please click this link. It'll take you to YouTube, once you view the video he made, please hit that Thumbs Up while on YouTube. The winner with the most thumbs ups wins! Thank you so much! 

Click here to help Jayden win:

Come On, Let's Hang Out In Trenton!

This is Jayden...attempting that dapper look.  LOL

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Being Flexible

This morning's weather is not exactly cooperating for me to have my morning 3-mile walk. It's raining and overcast this morning.  But I feel like that's no excuse.  The weather report says the rain should be over about 1pm.  I think I'll switch up my routine for the day which was to walk then clean my kitchen and meal prep for the week. 

Today's meal prep will be dishing up all the leftovers from my daughter's birthday party last night so I can put them into the lunch.  I'll be making snack packs with carrots, edamame, and some yogurt (no, not mixed together....LOL).  Meal prepping on Sundays really does make the mornings much easier.  And since I'm going back to work on March 5 while trying to maintain this new workout schedule, I need as much time in the mornings as I can. 

I'm very happy right now typing this.  I'm not using the rain as an excuse.  I'm simply working around it to make it work for me.  For first and only current goal is to break away from the 200 lb mark.  I don't know if I can do this.  But I know I can try. 

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Let's Stroll Together (Vlog)

I'm hoping that if I can start with this video and written journal and you guys (hopefully) expect me to keep this going, it'll be some motivation to keep me accountable.  I had to start a medicine for toenail fungus called Lamisil.  It has some strong side effects (for some people) and shouldn't be mixed with caffeine or alcohol.  So I decided to NOT be depressed about that when I realized that caffeine is in chocolate.

Today's goals are my warm lemon water, SMAP Smoothie (Spinach, mango, apple, pineapple, plain greek yogurt, whey, and water), 90 oz water, Food Bowl (quinoa, beets, egg, beans, turkey and shredded cheese), two slices of whole wheat pizza.  5 miles walking.  100 squats

As I'm writing this, it's close to lunch time but with all this smoothie and water, I'm not even hungry. I might need to walk a little earlier tomorrow so I can get breakfast started earlier.  Little steps. 

Click here to watch just a few minutes of today's walk:
Let's Stroll Together! 

Saturday, January 27, 2018

One Day at a Time, Season 2 Review

Growing up in North Trenton, I didn’t have too many friends. Well, actually, I did have one friend: my television. I spent many hours taking in all kinds of entertainment with that TV. I was glued to everything on MTV, grew to love Tales From the Crypt, and memorized many episodes of Full House while watching that thing, but some of the best times of day were the early afternoons, when sitcoms from years past would play during summer vacation. One of them was One Day at a Time, which ran for nine seasons, from 1975 to 1984. It was created bit sitcom svengali Norman Lear about a divorcee raising two daughters (one of which was Valerie Bertinelli, who was kind of a crush).

At the time, I recognized it for its worth, from the memorable theme song (“This Is It” by Polly Cutter) to its legacy of bringing feminism and real-life parenting to television. It was one of the beauties of a Lear program, and was something I was intrigued about when I’d heard that Netflix was remaking the series to air in January of 2017. The new series was about a Cuban family and featured a divorced mother of two children (this time a boy and a girl), her exiled Cuban mother...and a dude named Schneider (hey, if it ain’t broke). My wife had peeped the first few episodes on Netflix and was enamored, and suggested we watch. While my TV viewing has always gone back to sitcoms, my day job has me watching more series than I can keep up with, meaning that it’s hard to just watch TV to enjoy TV. That said, once we started running through this new iteration of One Day at a Time, which brought in everything from PTSD (the mother, Penelope, is a veteran who’s on anti-depressants) to LGBTQ issues (her eldest child, Elena, comes out as a lesbian during the first season) to the plight of immigrants living in America was heaven.

You see, while some of my favorite shows are about superheroes or fantastical situations, you need television that makes you laugh (and more importantly, think) about the world around you. This new school edition of One Day at a Time did that, and well. And when word hit that season two would be premiering on Netflix on January 26, 2018, I was excited. My regular TV viewing needed this.

All of that said, this second season hits all of the notes of the first, and then some. Justina Machado’s Penelope had a lot to deal with in season one, from her ex-husband coming back and completely shunning their lesbian daughter to trying to find a way to focus on having her own love life. Season two touches on both, with the family having one truly-emotional episode drawing parallels between Elena’s birth and their current-day.

One of the series’ shining stars is Rita Moreno, who at 86 is still a pistol, playing Penelope’s mother Lydia with grace and fire. She’s always around to remind the family of the old ways, but will surprise you with how current some of her feelings about life are. The children, Elena and Victor, are growing as well, with Elena growing up as a woke Latinx in today’s society, while Victor is caring, but also trying to work his charm into a cushy life.

I’d love to sit here and spoil this series for you; there are some awesome standalone episodes, with others that will hit you all in your feels. It’s a quality binge, with hope for a season three (we’re waiting on you, Netflix). From the Gloria Estefan-remake of “This Is It” to this glorious cast reimagining a quality sitcom series, One Day at a Time’s second season is one you shouldn’t miss. And now, I have a friend (my wife) and my son to watch the show with as an adult, allowing us to have discussions about what’s really real in today’s world, from LGBTQ issues to what it means to be a good person. We’re walking through it, together, one day at a time.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Solar Eclipse of the Heart 2017

At the last minute, I decided to take a half day off from work to spend the afternoon of the solar eclipse with my children.  My son, Jayden, especially has never seen any eclipse (he's just 10 yrs old) at all and he's really into science.  So I wanted to make sure he sees this and does it safely.  We're having a picnic in our own yard with our home made viewing boxes and some themed music.  

The food is always the fun part for me and this was just something so I could toss it together before the big event starts.  The goal was quick and cheap.  (Although isn't that always the goal?)  We're having sandwiches I'll be cutting with a star shaped cookie cutter, Sunkist sodas, cupcakes with moons and suns on them and rocket pop ice pops.  Easy peasy and cheap.  There weren't many options even on Pinterest and they were just repeats of what I thought of.......which means none of us really gave this any thought.  😏

The viewing boxes were very simple.  I just did a quick search on YouTube and found this one that was short, sweet and to the point.  It took about 30 minutes to make all four boxes and drink two glasses of terrible red wine.  Sadly, I drank all the wine but here's the video to make your own boxes as opposed to being permanently blinded during the eclipse. 

Last but not least is the playlist.  I went onto my Facebook page and asked friends to recommend songs for this playlist.  These are their choices, so don't kill the messenger.  Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler had to be first!!!  And because I'm corny, there are 17 songs since this is 2017.  (Fucking genius or what?)

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Looking For a Spoon

I was spending the weekend at a friend’s house.  I guess I was about 12 or so?  We had went to bed a little late watching TV and being silly.  I woke up and realized the house was quiet.  You know how it’s awkward to go through someone’s house even after her parents have said to feel free to get whatever you need…...still feels like an intrusion.  

So I was laying in bed and waiting for my friend to wake up.  She was still snoring. After about 30 minutes or so, I needed to pee really bad and I was hungry.  So headed for the bathroom……….and then immediately for the kitchen.  There was cereal!  Yay!  And it was one of the brands my mom thought was too expensive!  Double Yay!  I found a bowl, got the milk and added it to the cereal.  Then I went to get a spoon.  


Right there in the drawer was something that caught me completely off guard.  There were spoons, knives, forks all in the drawer.  There were no short straws.  I immediately turned around and looked at the kitchen table.  No mirrors.  It took some time.  I stood there looking around and felt like my mind was blank.  And then it all started crashing in on my brain and heart. It was my first and only “ah ha” moment.  My house wasn’t normal. My house was fucked up. Not my family.


Later that day, I went home and looked around.  I went right to the kitchen and there was the mirror on the table.  Next to them were those old film bottles that look like pill bottles? My parents used those for weed, weed seeds, weed stems, hash, cocaine, etc. I walked over to the silverware drawer…...opened it…..yup…..short cut up straws.  I never said anything to my parents that day.  But my view of them became more focused.  I can see now that it was also the first time I’d judged my parents on the kind of parents they were toward us.  

It wasn’t until years later when I had children of my own that I brought it up to my mother.  In my heart, I knew I was hoping for an apology but I knew that’s not the type of people they are.  Like a lot of people with a troubled past, it’s easier to act like it didn’t happen or wasn’t a big deal than to apologize.  It’s got to be difficult to sit in front of your children and acknowledge - hey I fucked up your childhood and I’m sorry.  

My mom.  Mmm Mmm Mmm.  She’s not an easy person and her heart is closed (I believe out of guilt she won’t face).  So I asked her about it.  I didn’t tell her about my moment because I didn’t want her to feel compared to other parents.  I just wanted to see if she looked at that time as a mistake.  Guess what?  She didn’t say anything other than an offhanded “so what?” remark.  My mom.  

People wonder how I could have distanced myself from my family.  If they knew my family, they’d wonder why I didn’t do it much sooner.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Make-Up - For The Getting Old Face

Before I go off into a tangent of complaints regarding my body, my skin, my weight, my my my my my..............

Let's talk make-up.  I'm cheap.  I hate to spend money on make-up if at all possible.  I've been buy make-up for the last few years from e.l.f.; I think I'm finally accepting that my skin is just changing too much and I need to adjust my thinking and buying.  It's not just the old lady acne, it's also the texture just seems different.

I'll be researching some products and trying them out.  God (if there is one) help me! But I'm going for the goal of not really looking younger........I just want to look awake, fresh and maybe pretty.  Cross your fingers kiddos.  Money will be spent.  Tears will be shed over each product that doesn't work.  LOL.

For now, I'm going to try some more ELF products and see how it goes!

Mineral Infused Face Primer
Flawless Finish Foundation
Perfect Finish HD Powder

And from Amazon with my Prime account.....

Maybelline New York Superstay 14 hour Lipstick, Please Stay Plum
Maybelline New York Superstay 24, 2-step Lipcolor, Very Cranberry 100

I tend to go for reds and dark reds on my lips.  I have very thin white people pail lip syndrome.  No!  Don't pity me.....I found a therapy group!  Ok, I'll update when everything gets here and I get a chance to try it all on.

#makeup #oldladyacne #45yearsold #FountainOfYouth

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Bill Cosby - Rapist? Maybe. Cheater? For Sure!

Comedian Bill Cosby has always been a dynamic force in the entertainment business.  He’s given a voice to the black community and bridged many gaps that have brought people together through laughter and intellectual thought.  He’s a genius.  I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have watched Bill Cosby’s Himself.  That part about the trip to the dentist…..LOL.  And his wife pulling his lip over his head?  OMG I nearly cried from laughing so hard.  

He’s launched the careers of so many with his dedication.  He’s done the some for education; being a strong advocate for learning just for the sake of learning.  In his career, he’s reached that level that few stars will ever obtain.  

In his personal life, he’s been dogged by rumors.  Rumors that he has harmed, embarrassed, hurt, destroyed and suffocated.  No, I’m not talking about those women.  I’m talking about his wife….and to an extension…..his daughters.  

Whether or not you agree that these allegations of rape are true or lies is not up for debate at this moment.  As a wife and mother, I wonder about the awful hurt all these infidelities and how they have impacted his family.  His wife has noted in the past that she’s aware of his cheating.  That means the daughters are at least now aware of it also.  So here’s the questions I wonder.  How long have they known?  All of them?  How has it affected their relationship with Bill?  How has it affected the daughters’ relationships with their mother?  

Camille always strikes me as an intelligent, strong, resilient woman who can handle anything.  A true matriarch in her family.  Can you imagine living with and loving someone who has undermined your entire 50 year relationship without any true sense of guilt?  Where is the education of Mr. Cosby?  Has he ever learned that if you hurt someone, you don’t continue to do it?  Has he ever learned that your children will repeat your behavior?  Has he ever learned that to hurt those you claim to love the most and to do it repeatedly, makes you the worst father and husband?  

For the record, I do still watch The Cosby Show via Amazon Prime.  It was a brilliant show.  However, I would never want to have the alleged victims to be flipping through their TV and see their rapist.  I don’t think it needs to be back on TV at all.  

I wonder what Cliff Huxtable would have thought of Bill Cosby.  

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Donald Trump - Any Ideas Behind The Titles?

So I was reading this article on Donald Trump (no worries....I was reading it while in the bathroom......aka the only room worthy of Trump articles) and found this really interesting.  I've not really heard any actual plans with details from him as a candidate.  I've heard name calling.  I've heard titles to ideas.  I've heard more name calling.  I've heard rhetoric.  I actually did go searching a bit for how he intends to do these things.  But I found myself always finding his speeches full of ego and empty bullshit.

I don't agree with Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders or Ted Cruz or anyone else on everything but at least I know where they are coming from (sort of).  Why would you want someone to lead you into hatred?  Quite honestly, I'm still stuck on how he intends to make Mexico pay for a wall they didn't ask for........does he mean they will fund it or that he would put some sort of sanctions against them?  Like just how do you get your neighbor to pay for the new fence you want in your backyard?

Trump is seriously scary.  He is an example of all the things I try to teach my son NOT to do in this life.  Don't call people names.  Don't talk bad about people unless you understand where they are coming from.  Don't say "all" people because you've never met them all.  Be nice, always.  Even when you don't like someone, be respectful of them as a human being.  Different ideas are different, not wrong or stupid.  If you make a statement, have facts to back it up so it makes sense to everyone.  Don't scare people unnecessarily.  

Friday, July 31, 2015

Inside My Head

Why?  Why can't I tell people no?  And why can't I tell people no without the guilt?  Am I not allowed to say no?  Am I not allowed to just do what I want and maybe I just don't want to do what you're asking?  Who said I'm not allowed to say no?  Is it just part of me?  Is it pressure from peers?  Why am I filling this whole paragraph with questions?  Am I feeling pressured to keep the questions going?  Why?

I've given 5 years of constant "yes" but I know there's no one available right now that would be able to give the hours I give.  Do I stay until that person comes along?  Do I say hey that's not my problem?  Do I turn my back on my community?  Do I turn my back on my own words to others about giving back?  Why do I keep asking myself these questions?  Why does the question mark look like this?  Does it have that hook because a question keeps you hanging by a hook until you get the answer?

This is just little sample on how my brain talks to me all day.  Sorry for the headache.

Mistakes Push You Forward

July 5, 2018 Last night, I made the mistake of noticing a bruise on my ass that hadn't faded from a week or so ago.  So I thought I...