Monday, May 21, 2012

The Greatest Love of All - Not Likely

This is probably going to sound completely inappropriate. Maybe it is, but it's my honest inappropriate opinion. I've always believed in the loyalty of parents toward their children. I believe that as a parent, I owe everything iota of my life toward helping my children understand and learn what they need and how to get it. That does NOT stop on their 18th birthday. It goes on until I die. I am always aware that whatever I am learning now about mortgages, debt consolidation, pedicures, ear wax build up, tax returns, etc is all information I should pass down to my babies.

I love them enough that this is a joy to do.

Most of the time.

But not lately.

I'm going to do the Kelly Ripa thing and call this child - She who shall not be named. Not because I might embarrass her, but because she is a huge embarrassment to me right now as a mom. Mom's have that thing where we always love you, but might not really like you sometimes. Well, right now I'm struggly to keep the love for her in my heart because she's doing so many hurtful things. And not just to me, but to the rest of the family, to her friends, and definitely to herself. I'm hoping that she gets herself straight without getting pregnant, jailed, or physically hurt.

It's all just details at this point, but I've finally had to take the advice of my husband and step back to let her fall. And I hate knowing that when she falls, she's gonna be paying for it for years. She has already done so much damage to our relationship with her, we seriously are ok with never seeing her as she leads the lifestyle she's got right now. The people she hangs with are as hideous as she. She's become so many nasty names that I'll choose to not publicize here. The hardest part for me is seeing her take this fall and knowing there will come a day that she will have to call or knock to ask for help....and my answer is going to be NO. It's the answer I have to give to keep teaching her those lessons.

It hurt me to watch her take her first steps and see her fall down and cry. But it's how you learn to walk for yourself. Walk, fall, cry, walk, fall, cry. She's walking the walk she's decided to take, so now she's gonna have to fall and cry on her own. I'll listen, I'll advise, but she's gonna have to pick herself up all over again.

She doesn't want to do right by me now, don't expect me to do right by you then.

No comments: